Are we honest with family and friends?


Are we honest when it comes to talking to our close friends and family? Do we have time to talk issues that are close to us and listen honesty from others?

I believe, most of us like to connect, but often time we are too busy with our daily lives.  Moreover, many times, we are not honest when talking about money and other personal issues, our dreams, our fears with family and close friends.  Some times, we hide the truth from loved ones, thinking it will hurt them or why worry them by telling anything.  Why do we do that?  It actually hurts family more, when we try to hide something, no matter how good the intentions might be.

I think, the first and foremost reason probably is time, that we do not get to “really” know people who are close to us. We all are busy, with kids, daily chores, friends, social obligations, work (outside and home), TV, entertainment and internet, games etc keep some of us very busy and we hardly get time to talk to our loved ones. Sometimes it is harder to really talk to each other, even when we are living together, so calling or meeting your family who lives far away is harder for many of us. For example, if your parents or siblings live out of town, in different state or country, that will make hard for connecting even with cell phones, emails and video calls just because of the physical proximity. However, with planning, we can make  effort to bridge a physical distance gap through honest phone conversations.

How many of us, really know about each other, hopes, dreams, money or other problems or issues, any hurt or happy feelings?? Do we know what others like, dislike? And if you think you do, do you do something about it or do you avoid confrontation? Most of us, leave things as is, when talking subject is uncomfortable, hoping that avoiding such topic means it will go away.  It does not, it brings more walls and issues between family and eventual hurts feelings by including them. I have seen many relatives, friends breaking relationships as resentments have gone way above the normal threshold.  Sometimes, just simple talking through the issues might do the trick, as long as both parties are willing to listen and be open minded.

Are we honest with our selves and others? For example, Generally women are much more open and frank about her feelings, and emotions with her friends, while many men tends to be more private and does not want to share so much. Not because, they does not want to share but because they may not want to trouble anyone about their problems. Most time, what we all want is someone to listen and understand without a judging us.

It is sad but true, that when we need more understanding, we will get the least.  Sometimes we are keeping the relationship on surface without going deep, thinking it will be too personal or people may not like it.  But if we care about any relationship, we must invest our valuable time in it, and not take relationship as a obligation, because you have to, but because you want to.  Just like you can not clap with one hand, this effort has to be made by both parties, one can start, but can not continue efforts without effort from both sides.

Yes, we all are busy, with job, blogging, driving, running errands, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, just trying to survive daily can be often busy task for many.  However, taking time out for our close friends and family will not only brings happiness in them but mental peace in you as well. People who we care for, like family and friends. If we care about each other we need to make time for each other and be honest in our talking. Why are we afraid to do that?

There is no such thing as being too busy. If something is truly important you, you will make time for it.

Go ahead and make a call to someone you have been thinking of but putting it off. Take time to listen to others and talk your heart out. I know many of us will benefit from this exercise. What are you waiting for?

Check out other related posts:

How To Create A Life That Does Not Need To Escape From: Part 1

How to Create A Life That Does Not To Escape From: Part 2

6 Surprising Ways to Boost Your Happiness

Zengirl

Image source: UCLA Magazine

About Author: This post is written by Preeti who writes under name of Zengirl on Heart and Mind Blog. She writes articles about self improvement, stress free and slow living and believes in slow blogging.

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I am stay at home with 2 kids, married to my best friend zenguy. I am in to simplifying, slow and sustainable living, I am frugal, love reading, writing and watching romantic movies. I believe in family, friendship and community.

24 comments

  1. kati says:

    Too true, Zengirl! Busy, busy, busy, but when we take the time to just share, even a little or listen, even if it’s just a quick call, it makes all the difference in our own lives, but more importantly, in the lives of those we love. Great post. Great reminder. Gotta go call my friend who I haven’t given the time of day to lately…love your blog. Your post “We are what we eat, really!” is bang on. New fan — and now your newest subscriber!
    .-= kati´s last blog ..7-Week Life Cleanse: Gathering Ease & Flow in Week 3 =-.

  2. Angela Artemis says:

    Hi Zengirl,
    You know this is great advice. I always regret that I never could say, “I love you,” to my aunt who passed away in 1997. She would say it to me all the time, and I would just mumble, “Me too,” or something silly like that. I was so glad that for the last few weeks before my father died and did tell him I loved him every night when I left the hospital.

    I love that you said – You cannot clap with one hand. True. A relationship involves more than one person and requires caring and commitment.

    Thank you for this eye-opening post!
    .-= Angela Artemis´s last blog ..Angela Artemis Interviewed by Hulbert Lee of From Bottom Up =-.

  3. Betsy Bargain says:

    Zengirl,
    Thanks for this reminder not to forget to communicate effectively with family and friends. I think we are all guilty of getting “busy” and letting relationships slide.
    .-= Betsy Bargain´s last blog ..Birthday Booty =-.

  4. ZenGirl says:

    Angela,

    Thanks, you always leave thoughtful comments. I can only imagine how you felt with your aunt who passed away. I have similar regret with my grandmother, when she was sick, I could not visit her often and I never stopped to say I love and how much she meant to me. Of course, I was lot younger and less mature then, but I wish I had done right thing.

    Other thing I see, people talk but they stay on top surface, never really talking inner thoughts such as desires, deep fears and so on. I wonder why we never let our real self out? I sometimes do that too.

  5. ZenGirl says:

    Betsy,

    It is easy to do, easy to be busy. I do that often too, but when I realize, I am playing “busy” card which is not as real as family, I try to stop and remind my self to make time and try to be more honest and open in conversation. It take some discipline on my part!

  6. Kamal says:

    A very nice post. This one hits home for me. Not being honest for me can be for a two reasons

    The first is very much the same as ZenGuy feels, I also do not want to trouble others with what I feel. But I now feel, it may not be a good solution in the long run.

    The second reason is that many times you want to make sure that when you are honest, you do not want to be misinterpreted, and thus, to avoid being misunderstood, we ‘choose’ not to be truly honest. I need to ponder on this one more now!

  7. ZenGirl says:

    Kamal,

    I agree, many of us do not want to be honest when there is a risk of not being understood. But, some risks might be worth it.

    Even if you got misunderstood, you can explain your meaning, providing other person is willing to listen. When you share things with loved ones, I am sure there are good chances that person is going to be open minded or is going through some stress. In later case, wait until both of you are stress free and try again. Do not give up on being honest though. It works in most cases.

  8. Farnoosh says:

    I never thought I’d hear anyone else say this: “There is no such thing as being too busy.” – Indeed! People make time for things they want to do. If they are going to prefer something else over spending time, say, with me, then please for heaven’s sake, just tell me. Don’t insult my intelligence by telling me you are too busy ;)!!
    Thank you Zen Girl for a splash of fresh truth here in your lovely blog.

  9. ZenGirl says:

    Farnoosh,

    Thank you for stopping by and your kind comment here. I really do believe that people make time for things that are important, no matter how busy they are. We often give excuses for things, emotions and people whom we want to avoid.

    By the way, I love your blog too.

  10. Keith Davis says:

    Hi Zengirl
    “There is no such thing as being too busy. If something is truly important you, you will make time for it.”
    How true that is.
    No matter how busy most of us are, we find time for those things that we really want to do – and are way too busy for the things we don’t want to do.
    Certainly true for me and I guess for most of us.
    .-= Keith Davis´s last blog ..Laugh and the world… =-.

  11. Billy says:

    Hi there,

    great post and I agree with many comments but one in particular, Keith Davis’s quote he shared. Brilliant and so true. We will make time for those moments or tasks we need to do.

  12. Vaishali says:

    Very nice post, Zengirl. It’s ironic that while we now have all the tools of communication that we could possibly need, we are not really communicating with each other on a meaningful level. Everything’s limited to quantity and superficialities, and not to quality.
    .-= Vaishali´s last blog ..Adhirasams for Chalks and Chopsticks =-.

  13. aDeeb says:

    Good post.

    It’s funny that no matter how much more connected we get,
    the distance between the people that truly matter too us seem to be increasing.
    Only because of our ignorance.
    .-= aDeeb´s last blog ..Germany vs Australia =-.

  14. rob white says:

    How very true Zengirl. I’m glad I found your blog. It is amazing that there really is no such thing as too busy. When we are taking care of our priorities I find that I feel like time expands to accommodate me. There is always time when we are focused on the things that are most important to us. The old adage has always rung true with me, “If you want something done, give to a busy person.” Thanks for sharing.

  15. ZenGirl says:

    Keith,

    Thanks for stopping by and your comments. We always find time for things we like, not we need or should. It sure true for me, that is why I wrote that particular sentence. For example, I dread and hardly find time for exercise :-)But blogging, some how it happens!!

  16. ZenGirl says:

    Billy,

    Thanks for your comment and stopping by my blog. I am glad you liked Keith’s quote, which he was quoting from article itself.

    It is interesting how we find time for things we enjoy! It is true for me for sure.

  17. ZenGirl says:

    Vaishali,

    It is good to see you here again! I agree, my biggest pet peeves is that, we have emails, phone, cell phone, iphones, video phone, skype phone and more yet, we are not finding time to talk or rather any meaningful talk. I sometime feel I hardly know some of my family or friends, such as what do they like, what are their dreams ,fears and so on.

  18. ZenGirl says:

    aDeeb,

    Thanks for your comment here. I agree, many times we are ignorant, other times we simply do not care, as many of us have so many issues to deal with everyday. We seemed to be talking on surface mostly without really talking important stuff. I think it is possible to change if we all wanted to change and work on it.

    I went to you blog, but could not write comment! Good luck with college and blogging, I am sure you will do well as there is a big market for it right now.

  19. ZenGirl says:

    Rob,

    Thank for stopping by. I am glad you found this blog, because of that I found your blog which is cool.

    We all seemed to be busy doing something or other, we are losing out on enjoying life and really getting to know other person well.

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